confidence

You are naturally confident.

“What? No I’m not,” you might be thinking. I know, I get it – I used to think I was not naturally confident, either. I was horribly insecure and self-critical and just generally like a freaking nervous wreck when it came to interacting with other people.

But here’s the thing: 

Your natural state is one of confidence. All the insecurities that hold you back are actually just limiting thought patterns you developed somewhere along the road of your life.

They’re not really part of you. And they’re total bullshit.

I became less confident as I grew up and it stuck with me. But I started out confident, just like every other child – lack of confidence is something you learn, not something you are.

Now, sure, some of us aren’t exactly set up for success, genetics-wise; certain personalities are more susceptible to the negative thought patterns that dim our confidence way down. Depression, anxiety, and insecurity are in a squad and love to tarnish your self-image. The way you were raised and the experiences you have also affect your confidence.

But I have good news for ya:

It’s super easy to get your confidence back.

I’m not going to lie to you, though. It takes work. It takes dedication. And it takes time. But it’s totally something you’re capable of handling, so don’t sweat it (see Step 1).

» Leggings: Alo Yoga (an affiliate link) «

I was actually pretty confident through most of my childhood. I was wildly energetic, opinionated, and self-assured.

But right around 3rd grade my confidence foundation began to shift. I got my first set of braces and a bright pink pair of coke bottle glasses, and I began to notice that I didn’t wear “cool” clothes. I felt like a total loser.

As I got older, my confidence slipped further and further away from me. There were certain moments where I could feel it again – when I was in my element, like when I was writing, or when I’d nail a workout. But I kept falling back into that “I suck” mindset.

My lack of confidence was really holding me back.

Teaching fitness is actually what helped me find my confidence the most. To this day I still don’t know what possessed me to audition to teach barre back in the fall of 2012. I still don’t know why I was picked to train to teach. I still don’t know how I got over my fears of being judged and criticized. But I wanted to teach so badly that I just did it.

During the first official class I ever taught, I was so nervous I stumbled and fell flat on my ass on the floor.

Guys. I fucking fell.

In front of all my clients.

During my first class.

Truthfully, it was perfect – it was exactly what I needed to get over myself. I was beyond mortified but I had to keep teaching. I’m crazy dedicated to my work. And it was my job to work those clients out, whether they just saw me humiliate myself or not. So I just kept the class going. I brushed it off and immediately continued, shaking slightly but still in charge.

And I saw that it wasn’t the end of the world. Like, no one pointed and laughed or told me I was stupid when I fell. Honestly, it was in LA, so they probably didn’t even really notice because they were too focused on looking good in the mirror.

Teaching others ended up teaching me.

I know it’s corny, but it’s true. It’s how I finally became confident.

Over the course of teaching for over 5 years and counting, I’ve had endless experiences like that that have forced me way outside of my comfort zone. I’d say that about a year ago was when it all really clicked for me. Everything I’d learned settled into clarity and I realized something:

We can LEARN how to be confident.

It just takes a little practice to develop a new habit, and confidence is a habit of the mind. Having confidence means your mind defaults to knowing your inherent worthiness. You don’t need to be validated by anyone or anything.

These are the practices that helped me find my own confidence.

I promise life’s a lot better when you’re on your own side. Get ready to make life way more fun.

Step 1 » Don’t be so dramatic about it.

First of all, the more you obsess about your (lack of) confidence, the less confident you feel. The thing about confidence is that it’s relaxed. Cool. Chill. Easy breezy.

You can’t be simultaneously anxious and confident. In fact, anxiety can be triggered by or linked to a lack of confidence. So before you can be confident you must first get to a more Zen state and RELAX. Be the opposite of anxious.

How? Breathe deeply. Close your eyes. Take a quiet moment by yourself in the bathroom. Smell lavender essential oils. Pour yourself a bath. Do whatever you need to feel calm.

Step 2 » Develop a “fuck it” mantra.

My personal lack of confidence stemmed from worrying about what others thought of me. I have some deep-seated trust issues, so I convinced myself regularly that everyone hated me.

When I first started teaching, I’d obsesses afterwards over how I thought I did, worrying over every tiny mistake I may have made and whether or not the clients would write a bad review about me. It made me sick I was so stressed out.

I finally just got tired of caring so much. Like, exhausted in my bones.

It really doesn’t matter what other people think. So what if they don’t like me? If I’m having fun and being myself, it doesn’t affect me!

I want you to practice adopting this same attitude. No matter what happens, you can brush it off. Other people rarely care as much as you think, because they’re too busy being concerned about their own lives, or they’re miserable and projecting their own shit onto everyone else. It just doesn’t make sense to let outside opinions (or the voice in your own head) affect you. I mean, there are people out there who don’t like Oprah. You definitely can’t live to make other people happy.

All you can do is aim to be YOU, 100%, and don’t compare yourself to anyone.

Before every one of my classes now, I tell myself “Fuck it.” Like it’s a mantra. Like it’s everything. Because my only concern is loving and living my life. And that means choosing to feel good about myself. So choose to know you’re the shit.

Step 3 » Fake it till you make it.

The trick I learned to getting over my fear of having everyone’s eyes on me while I taught was to create a kind of character for myself. I would essentially act my way through class. I was playing the role of Cool Confident Instructor, and it was way easier to be her than me. Because she was just like me, except she could stand tall and speak authoritatively and do hair flips on a spin bike.

This is where the practice part of building up your confidence really comes in. It will feel really forced at first, but smile and look others in the eyes and keep reminding yourself that you’re confident, and you eventually will be.

I want to clarify that you’re not supposed to be fake or act like someone other than who you really are. Rather, I want you to act MORE like you really are and be confident about it, especially when it comes to things you’re insecure about. Be more authentically you, and be unafraid about it.

Step 4 » Bring out the thought police.

You’re going to fall back to your old thought patterns. Confidence likely won’t come easy at first, but it does come if you’re patient. Faking it till you make it will be uncomfortable, which will give your brain plenty of fuel to repeat its old negative habit of bringing you down.

Don’t let it.

You’re now in charge of monitoring your own mind. So set up some thought police stations in your head and get ready to work. Any time you feel insecure, imagine a little siren going off and all the police have to come out to block the thought from continuing down its path. When you catch the perp, remind your brain to continue on acting confident. Order restored, at last.

Meditation is the best tool to learn to become more mindful of your thoughts and how you can change them!

Step 5 » Check your posture.

I’ll take any opportunity I can to talk about how your mind and body are linked. Sooooo…

What’s your body doing right now?

There is a very specific body language associated with confidence and another entirely different one associated with insecurity. A confident person stands tall and proud. An insecure person slouches and curls into themselves and tries to make himself smaller.

Think Mufasa and Scar. Yes, from The Lion King. I’m serious! Mufasa is drawn to hold his head up and stand broadly. Scar is drawn with his head hanging low, and he kind of slinks along as he walks because he’s a weak-ass motherfucker who kills his brother. I don’t know why I chose lions to illustrate how humans stand but I know you know what I’m talking about.

Sit straight. Stand tall. Look up.

Again, this won’t feel super effortless at first, but practice often enough and it will become your new way of holding yourself. Your body doesn’t know that you’re “faking”, and will start to produce chemicals in your brain that help reinforce your strong posture. It’s like the ultimate bio hack! You can also make yourself happier just by smiling. Your brain thinks it missed a memo and rushes to adjust your brain chemistry to match.

Plus with great posture you’ll have a healthier and stronger body, which helps you feel even more confident, so it’s really a win-win!

Step 6 » Live your awesome life.

It’s way easier to be confident when you’re happy. So do what fills you with joy. Make friends with people who support and adore you. Take pride in the work you do and the ways you contribute and help others. Be kind to others. Spread love and positivity.

Do what you’re good at, and repeat often, so you can continually see what a Badass you actually are. Praise yourself for even your smallest accomplishments and truly celebrate your wins!

And if you’re still stuck feeling unconfident, my final piece of advice is to get out of your own mind. Switch your focus from inward to something outside of yourself. Help someone in need. Take a walk and admire nature’s beauty. Watch a movie that makes you laugh.

Basically, fill your life with endless reasons to be confident because you acknowledge your blessings. Having an attitude of gratitude (and keeping a gratitude journal) about all the good things in your life also helps you become more secure in what really matters. Taking the focus off yourself will help you relax, making the whole confidence thing way easier.

Step 7 » Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

Your mind is just like any other muscle that can be trained, but it requires commitment and patience. So don’t give up. Stay confident that you’ll become confident!

Trust me, you have every reason to be confident. You just have to slowly turn down the noise in your head that tries to say otherwise.

» Song Vibes «

Want even more help? I made this playlist to boost your confidence—guaranteed to pump you up about your awesome self!

What helps you feel more confident? Share in the Comments below!

xo,

Amy