Your New Year’s resolutions might be holding you back.
Yeah, I know how that sounds. But I really do believe that some of our most well-intentioned New Year’s resolutions can actually be bad for us. I didn’t make a resolution this year, and I’ll explain why in a second.
But real fast I just want to say I hope you had a lovely holiday season! My entry into 2018 was a little wild. Fireworks were going off all over Oahu for the entire afternoon and night, and the explosions echo very loudly over the island. Our dogs were freaked out and basically needed to be held like babies the whole night. But otherwise, Matt and I had a really fun New Year’s Eve! We shot some photos for the blog at a nearby beach and ended the day watching Planet Earth 2.
(Does anyone else love Planet Earth as much as I do? The DRAMA of these animals’ lives! It’s better than a reality show!)
Okay, so—
I really don’t like New Year’s resolutions.
Why?
Well, this is going to sound a little weird, but the problem has to do a lot with grammar. It sounds like a small complaint, but my issue with resolutions has a major impact on our brain. So as we launch into the first days of 2018 I want you to make sure you’re actually set up to successfully accomplish your goals.
The main problem with most New Year’s resolutions is that they frame the goal, or what we could call an intention, in the future tense.
Most New Year’s resolutions sound like this: “I will _(fill in the blank)_.” You know the clichés: I will get in shape. I will wake up earlier. I will get healthier THIS year, this magical special year in which I will finally become the person I’ve always wanted to be.
It’s a cop-out, really. You’re dumping all the work onto some poor Future You to achieve your goal.
These resolutions sounds empowering, but they act like a crutch. Saying that you’ll do something makes you feel almost as good as actually doing that thing. It makes you feel accomplished just for wanting to improve. And yes, that’s great and all, but it takes the pressure off of yourself to make the necessary changes right now.
A resolution is you making a promise that your future self will act a certain way. But here’s the thing: you can’t actually make any guarantees about the future. The future is irrelevant. I mean, it’s not totally irrelevant, you do have to plan and think about your future, but it shouldn’t have much to do with your goals.
That’s right: Goals have nothing to do with the future and everything to do with the present.
Goals are accomplished through the choices you make right now, and then the moment after that, and the moment after that. You can’t depend on Future You to be somehow radically better than Current You. Future You is entirely hypothetical.
The only thing you can control is You in THIS moment. Right here, right now.
You can still hold on to your resolutions’ goals, but just make sure you’re thinking about them effectively.
Shift your focus from what you will do to what you are doing.
Change your New Year’s Resolutions into Me, Now Statements.
…Or whatever the hell you want to call them. They’re not so much resolutions as they are declarations. The language of our thoughts matters, so simply shifting your goals to the present tense will actually dramatically help transform your mind. That switch from “I will” to “I am” is how you can consciously change your thought patterns to make new, lasting habits.
Thinking “I will” do/be something implies that you’re not already doing/being that thing. Saying “I want to become more mindful” means that you’re not currently mindful at all. That makes Current You pretty f*cking weak, right? But that’s not true! So that’s not what you want your intention to be, because that statement doesn’t accurately reflect who you are. You’re not weak — you’re a goal-driven, dream-chasing, well-intentioned badass.
So instead of “I want to be___,” try thinking, “I am ___” or “I am becoming ___.”
“I want to be more mindful” turns into “I am becoming mindful.” Do you see how much more strength you suddenly have in that second version?
That brings the task into the present, in the hands of Current You. And this, my friends, is true empowerment.
It’s also way more motivating, in my opinion. It’s hard to do much when you don’t feel so great about yourself. So, yeah, you can keep your resolutions. You just need to shift your focus from what you aren’t/what you don’t have to the incredible Current You who’s already fully capable of accomplishing what you want and living your best life.
Go out there and conquer your 2018… but more importantly, conquer your NOW.