How do you deal with imposter syndrome?
My dear friend Keri asked me this question one day over Instagram DM. I couldn’t answer her right away—I needed to let this question settle in my soul for a bit, really think it through. Because, to be honest, I hadn’t been aware before that point of just how much imposter syndrome affects me, too. Her question made me realize how I’ve been prey to it—and by becoming more aware of it, I’ve been able to learn how to stop this nasty thought pattern in its tracks now when it comes up.
I’m guessing you’ve felt imposter syndrome before too, either because you Googled it and found this post—or because 70% of people experience these impostor feelings at some point in their lives, according to this article published in the International Journal of Behavioral Science.
So first just know that you’re normal, you’re not alone, and it’s totally a habit we can kick to the curb.
What is imposter syndrome?
Let’s get a definition up in here:
Imposter Syndrome: the persistent inability to believe that one’s success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result of one’s own efforts or skills.
In other words, imposter syndrome is the feeling that you do not deserve your success, that you’re not as smart/skilled as people think you are. You feel like a fraud in danger of being caught at any moment.
Imposter syndrome was first identified in 1978 by psychologists Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes. They published this paper on the topic, and I think it’s v important to point out this key detail:
The term impostor phenomenon is used to designate an internal experience of intellectual phonies, which appears to be particularly prevalent and intense among a select sample of high achieving women.
All my fellow high achieving women, what’s up!
Of course, it affects men, too. But the pressure on women is HIGH to fight for our place in today’s society, so it makes sense. Imposter syndrome comes from a feeling of intense pressure to prove your worth. And women quite literally have to do this still in many workplaces, even though it’s freaking 2019.
There’s no one cause for imposter syndrome, but it’s common in people who are Type A perfectionists with high expectations of themselves and often high anxiety and stress.
The thing about imposter syndrome, and why I hadn’t really recognized it in myself before is this: it’s SNEAKY. It thrives on you not noticing it. Imposter syndrome wants you to believe it’s true; it needs you to in order for it to exist. It’s like the thought is a Gremlin and every time you believe the thought you feed the Gremlin—but start believing in yourself and the Gremlin dies. Bye bye, Gremlin. (It’s a weird analogy but go with me here.)
Like I said, I deal with imposter syndrome sometimes, too.
I have been teaching fitness for 7 years, have taught multiple disciplines and studied the body at length, and there are still plenty of days where I’ll be teaching a class and in the back of my mind is a worry. The commentary in the back of my mind starts to say that I don’t know enough, I’m not good enough, and eventually all these studios will realize that and ask me to stop teaching. People will catch on soon enough, and stop coming to class. Any day now!
It’s a real, pit-in-my-stomach fear that feels perfectly rational. Even though I know it’s not.
That’s all it is: a FEAR.
Fear isn’t in and of itself a bad thing. I’ve started to notice it, and embrace it. Fear keeps us alert, making sure we’re continually doing our best to succeed and take care of ourselves. It’s a part of our biology designed to keep us safe from danger.
But it’s an internal emotion, not necessarily an accurate reflection of external reality. The problem is when the fear goes unnoticed and unchecked. The brain can get a little ahead of itself and start finding reasons to feel anxiety about basically anything. And if you already tend to be critical of yourself, those thoughts can morph into the full-blown not-true belief that somehow everything you’ve worked for will be taken away when “they” realize you don’t deserve it.
The first step to conquering imposter syndrome is to become aware of when it rears its ugly head.
This sounds easy, but takes some dedication and practice. Like I mentioned above, imposter syndrome is sneaky. The thoughts sneak in line right in-between other perfectly rational thoughts, so you have to stay present and conscious of your thoughts in order to spot them and kick them out. A mindfulness and meditation practice will be your best weapon.
Additionally, keep researching this topic and learn all you can so that you’re thinking about imposter syndrome more. Have you ever noticed how you won’t notice any red cars around you as you drive unless you’re actively thinking about red cars (or whatever)? Basically, the more you think about imposter syndrome, the more likely you are to catch yourself in the middle of an I.S. thought. This list of books about imposter syndrome is a great resource to help you keep learning.
Once you’ve noticed your imposter syndrome thought, ask yourself these four questions:
- Is it true?
- Can you absolutely know it’s true?
- How do you feel when you believe that thought?
- Who would you be without the thought?
This technique is called The Work and was developed by Byron Katie. I first learned about it on Oprah’s SuperSoul Sunday podcast, and these questions have been a game changer for me. With this method, you realize that you’re negatively impacting your wellbeing by staying focused on thoughts that aren’t usually based in reality and keep you feeling shitty about yourself.
You don’t need that baggage in your life.
Final step: let those thoughts go.
We’re all on a path of learning self-love. How to be compassionate to ourselves, to celebrate ourselves, to believe we are worthy. Imposter syndrome is a belief that’s holding you back.
I know it’s easier to say to let those thoughts go than to actually do it. Especially if that fear voice is LOUD and insistent that it’s right (“no really, Amy, I’m a total fraud”). But are you really willing to live out the rest of your days in fear?
So let’s humor your imposter syndrome for a moment. Say you really are a total fraud (you probably know, if you’re being honest with yourself, if this is actually true or not)—would having these thoughts help you in any way?
Real-life Fraud Mastermind Frank Abagnale, Jr. (the movie Catch Me If You Can is about him) was a professional conman and imposter. He worked successfully in many different professions without any experience or training, including as a pilot and a sociology professor. When asked how he did the latter without knowing a thing about sociology (Abagnale was actually a high school dropout), he said all he had to do was read one chapter ahead of the class. I think this story is amazing because it shows what mindset can allow you to accomplish. A real-life imposter didn’t have imposter syndrome, and his (albeit superfluous) confidence enabled him to accomplish the seemingly impossible. I’m not condoning the guy’s crimes, but damn it is impressive how bold self-belief can get you far.
Imagine how you’ll be able to soar when you free yourself from the shackles of self-doubt and fear.
What I’m trying to say is that it’s time to part ways with your imposter syndrome and let yourself shine.
Trust yourself. Trust that you’re doing your best and you deserve success, you deserve abundance, and you deserve to FEEL and accept all of that with confidence.
Ain’t no imposters here: just you, kicking ass.