What It Means To Be An Empath » From the Infinite Embers blog

I still remember the moment I learned that I’m an empath.

I was talking with one of my social media coworkers back when I was living on Oahu, in 2017. She casually mentioned something about her being an empath, and that she could tell I was one, too. I had no clue what she meant—I’d never really heard the term before. Curious, I went and did some Googling and was stunned.

Suddenly, everything that I’d thought was “weird” about myself made SENSE. I wasn’t crazy—I was an empath.

Chances are, you have empath friends or family, or you might be one yourself. But it’s rarely talked about, and being an empath can have a direct impact on your health and energy if you don’t learn how to protect your boundaries.

So what is an empath?

Empaths are highly sensitive individuals who have the ability to feel the emotions of those around them. 

Many empaths can also feel someone else’s physical pain in their own body and/or manifest symptoms mirroring someone who is sick. Due to their high sensitivity, empaths absorb the energy of people and places around them. If they are not aware that they have this ability, empaths can easily lose themselves and get confused about how they actually feel.

Empaths can easily get overwhelmed by the amount of stimuli and information coming at them at any given moment, especially when interacting with other people. They pick up on subtle and unconscious clues about others’ emotional states that the majority of people tend to miss. They are highly intuitive and can often sense another’s true intentions without any external cuing.

An empath might have an encounter with a woman who is smiling, but walk away from the encounter feeling incredibly, inexplicably sad, because they intuitively sense the woman’s sadness that she’s trying to stamp down underneath her smile. On the other hand, the majority of people would walk away from the encounter thinking the woman is happy. Other people’s energies can stick onto empaths like leeches—especially when, of course, the person is in a negative state.

Because of their ability to feel other people’s emotions, empaths can be extremely compassionate. OR—and this is major—they can give and give of themselves until they’re completely drained, or let others’ negativity overwhelm them and turn them dark.

It’s a whole Star Wars/the Force situation.

What It Means To Be An Empath » From the Infinite Embers blog

And listen to me—I KNOW this sounds woo woo. I am a highly logical person, and I honestly would never have believed all this—

…except that it explains everything about me.

I’ve felt like something was terribly wrong with me my entire life.

Now that I know how to explain what I’m experiencing, I can manage my energy and know how to let negativity go so I can be light and my normal, happy self. But I was always overwhelmed when I was younger. Even as a young child, I was extremely sensitive. I couldn’t stand any noise when I was sleeping and would get overwhelmed at sleepovers and have to call my mom to come pick me up. Group settings felt overstimulating, and I preferred to interact with friends one or two at a time.

I used to explain that I could “read people easily” even though I didn’t know why or how—my gut was always right. I’ve always been able to feel out a person or situation and get a strong sense of what they’re feeling and what they want. I also have always craved alone time—that’s when I feel most at peace, and the only way I can get centered. This is why I like to practice yoga by myself at home rather than in a studio.

I always felt “not normal” and was called overly emotional or misread as standoffish. I didn’t understand why life felt so overwhelming to me at times because of all the sadness I encountered. Small talk is also notoriously exhausting for empaths. Because each encounter we have is highly charged, too much interaction can drain our energy. My uncle likes to tell a story that when I was a really young girl and he tried to make small talk with me while he was driving me somewhere, I responded, “No talk. Just drive.” Amazing! (also, can we also make that the slogan for Uber?) I love that I’ve always been an empath who knows how to stake her boundaries, haha! I continually strive to be more like my energy-protecting childhood self.

There’s actual science to back up what I’m talking about.

Let me explain a little further: Empathy takes place in the frontal lobe of our brain. Everyone’s brains are different, and some people are more highly developed in the empathy region.

Inside our brains, we have something called mirror nuerons. A mirror neuron is a neuron that fires both when you do a specific action AND when you watch someone else do that same action. Thus, the neuron “mirrors” the behavior of the other, as though the observer were doing the action.The same thing happens with feelings. Empaths have more mirror nuerons than the average individual, which means their brains are highly active at imitating the brain states of those around them.

We don’t know yet what determines if someone becomes an empath or not—genetics definitely play a role, but so does conditioning and the way we’re raised. Either way, it’s pretty amazing to develop this ability!

How does being an empath differ from having empathy?

As with most thing, there is a range of sensitivities and even various types of empaths. The empathy spectrum ranges from normal empathy, which is the ability to feel concern for someone going through a hard time or celebrating with someone who’s joyful.

Then there are Highly Sensitive People (HSPs), who can pick up on others’ energies and are deeply affected by various sensory overload. Empaths are HSP and take it a step further. What separates empaths is that they absorb those energies into themselves. You feel the person’s emotions right along with them. In other words, HSPs can detect that a person is sad, and an empath will start to feel that sadness themselves.

There’s no one-size-fits-all definition of an empath. As I mentioned above, some people can literally feel others’ physical pain or intuit their illnesses. Other empaths are particularly tuned in to animals (it’s part of why I’m vegan) or plants. Everyone has different strengths! Empaths have low tolerance for inauthenticy and can usually tell when someone is lying to them, because the person’s words won’t match their energy.

What It Means To Be An Empath » From the Infinite Embers blog

How do you find out if you’re an empath?

I recommend taking this self-assessment test from one of the leaders in Empath education, Dr. Judith Orloff M.D.!

But in short, these are some traits that most empaths have in common:

  • Heightened senses (sensitive to light/loud noise/smells etc)
  • Feel drained by large crowds
  • Need plenty of time alone to recharge
  • Often labeled as “shy” or introverted
  • Enjoy spending time in nature
  • Love animals
  • Feel overwhelmed in close relationships
  • Highly intuitive

Being an empath is not a problem to be fixed.

To be honest, it’s kind of like having a real-life superpower!

Yes, there are some obvious downsides—you have to learn to navigate the world as someone who’s extra sensitive and learn to be super diligent about protecting your energy. And society isn’t kind to people who have strong emotions: we’re labeled as weak, dismissed as a “sissy.” And I’m not going to lie, it’s a problem empaths continually have to face—especially male empaths in our current macho culture. It can be very isolating if you do not search out and find other empaths to connect with and share experiences with. I honestly wished for a long time that I could “just be normal” to better fit in with the majority.

But that was before I’d learned what was going on with me and why I always felt so drained. Once you give yourself permission to embrace your unique differences, you can take care of yourself properly and lovingly allow your gifts to SHINE.

Being an empath means you are a light in this world!

First of all, empaths are the opposite of weak—they’re so strong they can carry their own energy AND that of someone else! That’s quite the energetic load.

Empaths spread love and compassion because they literally feel the pain of others and want to help them heal. They often find themselves in the healing professions or creative arts: working as therapists, actors, and yoga instructors (like yours truly), for example.

Empaths tend to emit a very calming energy (something people have been telling me since I was a teenager). People are drawn to empaths and their light.

This is why empaths must also be on diligent watch for energy vampires.

Because you radiate understanding and have a bright vibration, energy vampires are drawn to empaths like moths to a flame. Energy vampires are people on the opposite end of the frontal lobe spectrum in the brain, and lack the mirror neurons that empaths have in spades. This means it’s physically impossible for them to feel empathy.

Read that again.

It can be disturbing to consider that there are people out there who literally cannot care about others, but it’s true. And come on, deep down you know it’s true—it’s why there’s still so much darkness in our world today. Energy vampires are narcissists who drain your energy. They will take and take and take and take from you unless you recognize them for who they really are and cut them off.

This is super challenging for empaths because we feel empathy so strongly that we can struggle to believe that another person isn’t capable of having it, or changing or learning. But it’s imperative that we set clear boundaries in our lives for the energy we WANT, and cut out, without apology, anyone that leaves us feeling NOT THAT.

What It Means To Be An Empath » From the Infinite Embers blog

Being an empath can either drain you or empower you—it’s all about learning to monitor your energy.

Defend yourself, and you’ll be an unstoppable force of light. Learning how to separate your own feelings and energy levels from those around you requires practice and a lot of self-knowledge, but is the most rewarding venture ever. A daily meditation practice is key to center yourself and put up your daily defenses. You’ll still feel the energies around you, but you won’t absorb them.

I’m barely scratching the surface here of all that being an empath entails! If you’d like to dive in and learn more, I highly recommend reading these books, which have been life changing for me:

Also, I’ve mentioned this before, but I am in LOVE with the podcast Dear Sugars. It’s not about being an empath, but Cheryl Strayed and Steve Almond are definitely empaths themselves, and it’s soothing to hear them give understanding and nurturing advice to all sorts of people and situations. A must-listen for everyone in general.

The most important thing an empath can do to conquer the world like the badass they are is to be conscious about the people and environment they surround themselves with. The people and places you spend your time with will either uplift  or deplete you. Be sure to get plenty of alone time to recharge and return to your center—and clear out whatever doesn’t fuel your light.

» Psst: I’m wearing this Carbon38 ZigZag Peep bra in black! It has great support. You can get 15% OFF any order at Carbon38 using my Ambassador code AMYBAA15. Happy shopping!

» Song Vibes «

Where my fellow empaths at? What challenges have you faced being highly sensitive? Share with me in the Comments below!

xo,

Amy

Photos by myself and Mary Joe Weichel — if you live in San Diego and are looking for an affordable photographer, MJ is your gal! She has 24 hr turnaround and the best rates. DM her for info!

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